


Ticket stubs and your diaries (I read them all one day)

by aguwustdick (sugandrew)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: change my mind, five has a diary, we love 1 boy, with 1 journal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 03:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18112037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugandrew/pseuds/aguwustdick
Summary: Time travel can make you lose your mind.This is Five's way to stay sane.A look into Five's journal.(Title based on Things we lost in the fire by Bastille!!!)





	Ticket stubs and your diaries (I read them all one day)

If you believe that in the thirty years Five was trapped in the apocalypse he never got a diary you’d be crazy. First he wrote in whatever he found, random tickets, pages of books and notebooks that weren’t destroyed by the fire. Anything.

Then he found Vanya’s book. He grabbed two, in one, the one that wasn’t as hidden as the second, he had equations;  everything he needed to get back home. In the second, though, he had all his memories.

He didn’t know how it was still in one piece. It was full of words and secrets written in anything he could find, stapled, sticked with tape and with various kinds of glue. He needed to remember or he would lose his mind.

The first few entries were how he felt stupid and wanted to go home, he was lost and alone, his siblings were dead and he had to bury them and eat the cockroaches that came looking for their mummified flesh. Oh, their flesh. The ashes and dust dried them, leaving something disgustingly similar to beef jerky or that dry, snappy leather that people used for drums. The words were mixed, tangled and _wet_.

He wrote about how horrible it was to see the tattoos on their wrists but not recognize the faces that were in front of him. Little did he know that they would recognize him the next time he saw them alive.

He talked about loneliness a lot, about the languages he learned, and when he found Dolores, and she spoke to him. “I know she isn’t real” the book said, “but she’s the closest thing to a human I found in a year.”.

“I can’t believe Ben died and I wasn’t there.” Five wrote, the words messy. “Vanya was so lonely and it was my fault. They all suffered and it was my fault, now they’re dead, and I’m alone and stuck here.”

He wrote about The Handler, and how much he suffered those fifteen years to get back home and see everything was a mess, nothing has changed, he said, and crossed it out and corrected it by “it is worse than when I left”. Diego almost kills Luther and he destroyed Ben’s statue. “Vanya said his death was bad. I can’t stop thinking that if I had stayed he could still be alive.” The phrase was blurred and mixed with the words on the book by something that looked suspiciously like a tear.

“I promised myself that I would never see them dead again.” Some watery and unreadable words and the last thing he read was “die.”

Diego was so focused on his reading he didn’t hear the footsteps reaching getting closer to him.

“Diego? What are you doing in my…” The voice died when Five saw what his brother was holding. “Why do you have that, how did you find it and who exactly gave you the right to read it?” Diego expected to look at his brother and see anger, he thought he would be furious or livid. But he looked almost... _ashamed_.

“Five…” he tried to say, but his brother wasn’t hearing any of his bullshit. He would’ve kicked him out of his room, but the risk of Diego telling the rest of his family ( _family, huh._ ) about it was too big.   
“How did you find that?” He said, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired and oh, so stressed, he couldn’t deal with this right now.

“I was looking for you.”

“Oh, and you had to look through all of my stuff to see if I was, I don’t know, chilling in my closet or in one of my drawers, because…” He huffed. “that makes a lot of sense, then. How stupid of me.” He looked angry now, which, strangely, calmed Diego down.

“I...I’m sorry.” Five looked at him, and if looks could kill he would definitely be dead.

“I hope you’re happy and your curiosity is satisfied.” Maybe remembering the contents of the book, he took a step back, ready to dodge (or attack) if his brother got too close.

Diego didn’t know what to say, what was written in the book was completely different of what he thought his brother was. Soulless, cold, logical, calculative, heartless. His journal said something completely different.

Five grabbed his side and hid a wince. He was breathing so hard his wound hurt. “Feelings are useless now, Diego. If I have to be cold to hold the team together and save the world as we know it then I will be.” He said, not looking at his brother. “Now get out of my room. If I see the others giving me at least one sad look I will _end_ you.”

“You won’t.” He said, patting his shoulder. Five flinched.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Diego sounded genuinely sad.

“I didn’t know you cared so much about me, Number Two.” His brother said. “Now please get out and forget this happened.” Diego nodded and left.

The book was laying on the bed, almost mocking him, and he would’ve thrown it across the room, but he knew that it would fall apart. The only thing that was keeping it together was his vulnerability

That night he pretended he burned it in the backyard, sitting by Ben’s statue on the floor, and talked to him.

“Maybe if I make more snarky comments than usual tomorrow he’ll forget about the journal”, he said.

And maybe he did.


End file.
